


Back from Hell

by Earl_Samy



Category: Shingeki, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-21
Updated: 2020-05-21
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:20:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24302791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Earl_Samy/pseuds/Earl_Samy
Summary: This is it.I see the end of my life coming.The titan has its hands around my ribs and everything goes blurry around me. My swords are laying on the ground, under my feet, twenty meters away from my desperate hands. I smell its stinky breath hit my face as it is bringing my body close -too damn close- to its drooling and terrifying mouth. I feel death looming over me, ready to slash my soul with its scythe.
Relationships: Jean kirstein/OC
Kudos: 4





	Back from Hell

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! Here is an OS I wrote some time back on Jean Kirstein and my SnK OC Auryanna Sylvhann. I was inspired by the SnK videogame. There is not a lot of violence but I'd rather put useless warning than not putting one at all ^^'
> 
> I hope you will enjoy! :'3

This is it.

I see the end of my life coming.

The titan has its hands around my ribs and everything goes blurry around me. My swords are laying on the ground, under my feet, twenty meters away from my desperate hands. I smell its stinky breath hit my face as it is bringing my body close -too damn close- to its drooling and terrifying mouth. I feel death looming over me, ready to slash my soul with its scythe. But I do not want to die. I want to live! I want to stay alive…

However, what else can I do, except waiting for the sweet end? What am I even thinking? I have a sarcastic smile playing on my bloody lips. That will not be sweet since I will be EATEN ALIVE. I close my eyes as a shiver runs down my spine at the mere thought of its teeth ripping my skin and bones.

Oh dear Lord, may this titan gulp me down whole once and for all, quickly and with the less munching work possible.

As I feel death lurking around my poor crushed body, I get to experience the famous movie-of-my-whole-life moment. Everything comes so clearly to me; as if I was living it all again: my family with whom I spent the most innocent and joyful days of my baby-to-young-teen life; my friends with whom I lived most of my teenage years and adulthood, growing up together and becoming soldiers together; my friends' faces popping in my mind, one by one... They became my new family after I ended up an orphan at 11.

I see Jean's smirk -let's freeze this image in my mind- and it brings my own smile. A true one deprived of any sarcasm or pity.

My comrades are now far away, I believe. I hope my sacrifice was useful and that they are all alive. Safe and sound inside the Wall Sina. I can die in peace if it is the case. My job here is done… I close my eyes and a warm and suffocatingly stinky breath envelops me.

⊱۵⊰ ⊱۵⊰ ⊱۵⊰ ⊱۵⊰ ⊱۵⊰ ⊱۵⊰ ⊱۵⊰⊱۵⊰ ⊱۵⊰ ⊱۵⊰

Let's go back in time a bit to see why I ended up as a titan snack.

I had successfully attracted all the titans' attention -much to my friends' displeasure- as we were escaping with Annie. She was still trapped in her crystal and had been kidnapped by Reiner and Bertholdt, respectively the Armoured Titan and Colossal Titan. For what reason? No one knows yet. It is only certain that they have a link -childhood friends, accomplices with the common goal of destroying humanity?- and this link is still blurry.

In any way, my comrades and myself had chased after them: it was imperative to retrieve Annie as she was a key component in our understanding of titan shifters and, also, in our quest of finding out the secret behind titans' true nature. Eren had shifted into his titan form to defeat the Armoured Titan; however, he used so much power he could barely walk once he had won over Reiner. He even collapsed, Mikasa taking care of him and holding him like there was no tomorrow. Armin had found a carriage so we could all escape, leading our squad towards the Wall Sina…

Until titans chased after us -most certainly attracted by the fuss we had made while fighting the traitors. I remember our faces: expressions of pure terror had printed themselves on our features when we saw all these monsters. We were exhausted, both physically and mentally: we had to find treasures of strength to survive the continuous attacks, our friends had betrayed us and we were still unable to believe it. It was too much to take in; we were so helpless at the moment. We were all in great danger.

Jean was in danger.

My heart ached at this thought. Jean… He had stolen my heart, made it his selfishly as time went on. We grew from comrades, to partners, to friends. And in my heart, he was the love of my life. The kindness he hid behind his arrogant behaviour, his realism almost too painful while I was dreamy and an airhead, the caring side only his friends could witness; all these little things I found out after spending time with him made me fall into a hole full of love and adoration for him. He had become my best friend, and the one I love more than anyone else: I could do anything for him.

I could die for him. 

The titans’ feet were echoing on the ground and making a hellish noise. I turned around and watched the titans running after us. The faces of my friends were all distorted by fear and an intangible desire of surviving. My heart was slammering against my chest. I had never felt so scared in my life… I looked at Jean, riding his horse, making him the closest to the monsters. They would soon be behind us…

Behind him.

I could not let this happen. I bit my lower lip and clenched my fists around my swords. A glance towards Mikasa, and I smiled. A bitter smile, full of fear and despair. I took my notebook out and carefully placed it in Eren’s hand. It had all my notes inside it: on the titans, on the different armies, on my friends… It might contain information necessary for Eren and the others to fight against these monsters. If I were to disappear, I want my friends to have the most complete information on titans. I want my inhuman observation skills to be of use.

I drew my swords in a swift motion. I looked at Armin: his eyes were shining with scare and I smiled softly. I knew I was just trying to reassure him; I knew he had understood what I was about to do. His horrified stare made my heart clench. Then I stared at Jean.

My eyes got soft and tender. I smiled and shot him the loveliest glance I could. Maybe I was trying to confess my feelings in this last gesture…? And I wanted him to remember my happy face. I wanted him to remember me, even after I… I could not even form the word in my head. He looked at me dumbfounded and shook his head. I could clearly read the “No, don't do this, Auryanna.” in his honey eyes. I smiled even more and shook my own head in response. I turned around -maybe to avoid seeing his defeated face- and smiled at everyone. I pulled the trigger on my 3DMG, I set my legs straight to take off easily. I looked at Jean a last time while shouting a “Remember that I love you all.” to my friends. But I stared right into Jean’s eyes.

And here I was. Almost flying in the air propulsed by gas, sliding on the titans’ skin to cut their flesh, chopping all the pieces I could to kill them and survive. Fighting all these titans by myself was exhausting. One titan killed and I was taking off again. Another titan soon died by my hand as I turned around mid-air to chop his neck. The monsters kept on running around me. Their hands thrown into the air were about to grab me. Monster claws tightening on me… I dodged, and attacked, and flew off again. However, one titan jumped as I was changing my swords in the air, and it hit me right in the leg. I screamed of pain and fell on the ground in the loudest impact possible. I saw my swords landing far from my reach, making it impossible for me to snatch them and defend myself against the monsters. At least, I had two left in my 3DMG...Even though they were blunt. And as if it was not enough, my ankle hurt like crazy. However, I needed to keep going. I activated my 3DMG and soared through the air.

“YAAAAH!” I screamed while swooping on the monster’s neck. The blood was flowing and staining my clothes. Yurk. Dirty. I hooked myself on a nearby tree and went off again. Another titan killed. The attacks went on, the actions repeated themselves. It almost felt automatic. Their attacks grew even more violent until my friends were meters away from the Wall Sina. I got so relieved I let my guard down one second and a titan took this opportunity to grab me by the waist. My last swords were thrown to the ground. But even if I had them, I would not have been able to use them: they were way too blunt to even cut a flower. The monster’s mouth got way too close to mine…

⊱۵⊰ ⊱۵⊰ ⊱۵⊰ ⊱۵⊰ ⊱۵⊰ ⊱۵⊰ ⊱۵⊰⊱۵⊰ ⊱۵⊰ ⊱۵⊰

Back to the present. Here I am. I feel so scared. My life is displaying behind my closed eyelids. I want it to end now. I am ready to give up on my own life for the sake of my fear. I am unable to move... I shut my eyes so strongly some tears gather behind my eyelashes. Let it end already.

But I can still see Jean's face in my mind. His bright smile, his low and hoarse voice, the moles on his body, the little blush that spreads on his cheeks when he is flustered, his crooked collar he always has troubles to flatten; all the times I had to do it for him… I bite my lips so hard it starts bleeding. I want to see him again…

I open my eyes all of sudden and I feel agitated. My body trembles. I cannot die like this! I need to survive; I need to do everything in my power to see Jean again! But reality strikes again as I remember I do not have any weapon left… Goddammit, why is the sweet Lord so harsh on me?! I wiggle like a womb in the titans’ hands -in a desperate attempt to get off its grip. As I move like a crazy larva, I feel something pocking my skin. Something sharp is in my pocket... !!! My dagger! I forgot I had it! I allow myself to grin. I stand a chance! I struggle to pick it up from my pocket and after a few seconds -seconds letting the monster to have its teeth around my feet- I grab it and groan a "I am not ready to die in your stomach, you monster!". I notched the titan's hand. Just enough for it to drop me on the ground. I do not hesitate and take off right away with my 3DMG.

I have just enough gas to go away. But where can I go? The answer is quick to show up: the gas cartridges get empty and I land on the ground ungracefully. I feel my whole body throb in pain. My ribs hurt, my left ankle can barely support my body and both of my wrists make me suffer like never before. I clench my teeth as I get up slowly -making my poor muscles shaking of pain, I swear to God I can almost hear my muscles screaming- and take a look at my surroundings. I landed in an empty zone, messed by horses' hooves and carriage wheels. I guess my friends came there. I feel relieved to think they escaped successfully and were able to make it back.The forest on my right is far from being the most welcoming place but I believe it is my only option. I could hide there and wait for the night to come to walk towards the Wall Sina. I try to take a step, as if I want to convince myself I can make it back to the Wall on my own, but my broken ankle and the multiple bruises make me unable to walk properly. Great. I look like a constipated duck... I sit dramatically on the ground and cough from the dust that flies off the ground to invade my mouth.

Well, I should take this opportunity to think through and plan my way out. The titans are nowhere to be seen. What will happen now? I look at my bruised arm. My poor skin is now colored in various shades and hues of red, black, purple, mauve, blue, green and yellow. I sigh and flinch in pain. I stay put: I know I can move, but frankly, I do not have the will to stand up. My body is too sour. I suddenly feel the weight of reality descends upon me. A strange and bittersweet mix of despondency, despair, and hopelessness. Tears brusquely appear in the corners of my eyes, threatening to fall and leave wet marks on my dusty cheeks. How am I even going to survive… My body cannot even support me! You traitor! You are my sole hope! I might as well wait for titans to eat me up... I let the tears fall and sob uncontrollably. It hurts, it reeks of pain. Yet, it makes me feel better. Bottling up all these emotions was too much to handle for my poor heart. Sentiments pour over my mind and drown it under a pile of nostalgia, melancholia and strong desires of going back to my previous life. My life with my friends…

I want to see everyone… I want to laugh with them, to eat with them, to train with them and face dangers together… I do not want to be alone right now…

Jean's face appears before my eyes and my tears fall even more. I feel hopeless. It stings, my heart is oppressed by pain, suffering and a sense of torture. "I miss you…" I whisper in a voice so croaky I cannot even recognise it properly. Maybe a demon possessed me on top of it all? … How can I manage to do humour in this situation? Ask my dumbass of brain.

I am pretty sure I will be found by titans in a few minutes. All these efforts to die pitifully like this… I smile sarcastically. You will die all alone, Auryanna… I bite my lips as some flashbacks of my soldier life turn around my mind. I remember with a smile and some tears all the good things that happened to me…

I live my meeting with Jean again…

⊱۵⊰ ⊱۵⊰ ⊱۵⊰ ⊱۵⊰ ⊱۵⊰ ⊱۵⊰ ⊱۵⊰⊱۵⊰ ⊱۵⊰ ⊱۵⊰

We were all in the Mess, this giant room with no soul, pittoresque tables and weak lights. It was dark; it was empty. No one liked this place, except for I, the weirdo one of the lot. I liked quiet and empty places, it made me feel free to do whatever I wanted; to be whoever I was. I liked being alone and avoiding human contact as much as possible.

Oh but do not get it wrong! I am quite the sociable one. I am just shy and I have -unbearable- trust issues: I have a hard time "relationing" with people, I had troubles making friends. Thus I was all by myself most of the time. For example, at this moment, the whole division was having dinner and everyone around me were making friends with each other. Myself felt scared. I knew they were all humans and not titans roaming around to eat my poor tiny -yet chubby- body. But it was scary to interact with strangers... I focused on my plate to stop thinking too much.

I was gently swallowing down -more like gulping down with no elegance or self control whatsoever- my sausages and mashed potatoes when I felt a shadow sitting in front of me. A human was sitting at my lonely table? Who was it? Who was crazy enough to get close to the weirdo me? I raised my head, my eyebrows raising in a suspicious glare, and I stared at the one in front of me with my blue grey eyes.

Jean Kirstein. The one known as the cocky and arrogant cadet. Also known as horse face. Why? I would never understand since I found him handsome and sexy. Maybe it was because people wanted to ride him...? It made me blush. Such a pervert I am… I shook my head in a not-so-subtle way and tried to focus again. What did I know about him other than these trivial details? Ah yes, I remembered he was the best at using the 3DMG but his short temper did not go well with everybody -especially with Eren Jaeger, a childhood acquaintance of mine.

Eren was from the Shiganshina district, just like me. His rant about killing all the titans on the boat taking us away had changed my whole perspective of life: my parents had died before my eyes, decapitated, dismantled and devoured by titans in splatters of blood; I was watching my hometown being destroyed by these monsters; I felt dead inside and ready to give up on life. But I mechanically walked and got up on the boat ready to escape Shiganshina when I saw him and his childhood friends Mikasa and Armin. I had already seen them in town, but they were too intimidating for me; I had never talked to them even though we were in the same class. Hearing him scream “I’ll kill all the titans!”, seeing his teary eyes paired with a violent glint in his green orbs, a fire lit inside of me and I found my new goal in life.

I would dedicate my life to killing titans. I would participate into reconquering my hometown. I would avenge my parents and build a safer world for the next generations. I would become useful.

I started the training to become a member of the Survey Corps and integrated the 104th division. The training was hard. My body had become a strange mix between muscles, numbness, bruises and scars. Yet, strangely enough, it felt good. I was having fun soaring through the skies with the 3DMG, drawing swords and cutting wooden mannequins of titans into tiny pieces. I was enjoying myself, just like Eren: I could see it in his eyes. However, during the training, friendships and rivalries arose. Jean and Eren’s was the best example. Those two were always fighting and shouting at each other. It gave me a headache just thinking about how LOUD they both were. 

The flashbacks made me dizzy for a second. I shook my ash brown locks once again to get back to reality. I decided to look at the ash blonde man with an undercut. His locks were going everywhere around his long face. Yet, they looked soft… I could not see anything else than handsome features. He was watching at me with a strange look, a mix between being taken aback and being concerned by my mental health. I frowned and suddenly heard him cough -probably to get my attention. Was I dozing off for too long? I quickly averted my gaze and looked to the side.

Great job, Auryanna. You managed to look even weirder at your very first encounter with Jean. I swallowed my saliva, waiting for him to talk. But he did not. An awkward silence was floating around us, in perfect contrast with the noise echoing around us. I started to tap my feet on the ground. God, how more awkward could it get… I needed to end this. To break this oppressing silence. I finally mustered the courage to look at him.

How surprised was I when I realised his honey eyes were staring right at me. Maybe this whole time. He cleared his throat.

“Auryanna Sylvhann, right?”

Such a low and sexy voice… Oops. Focus, Auryanna. Focus. Stop the daydreaming thing. I needed to reply. But what could I say? Oh poop, stop thinking and go for it.

“Yes, exactly.” I answered while putting my fork down. “Jean Kirstein, right?”

Wow. Such an effective reply… I mentally slapped myself.

“Yes, exactly.” He smiled nonetheless. He then bit his lips, scratched his head. Was he trying to say something more? “You are good at using the swords, from what I saw at the training.”

… Definitely not what I was expecting. I detected something strange in his eyes. What was this… Panic? Anxiety? A mix of both? Nah, definitely panic. He was panicking? Engaging conversation with me is panicking? I was dumbfounded. A panicked Jean in front of Mikasa is normal. Not in front of me. I was, transparent. Oh, I see. I am scary. Must be frightening to engage conversation with the renowned weirdo. Oh Auryanna, please, stop it already with the thoughts going in all directions except the expected one. I pushed aside the toxic thoughts -they will not help in talking to him- and nodded.

“And you are the best at using the 3DMG. It is quite exceptional, given how physical and harsh it is on the body.”

There I was, entering his game and talking about military life. Talk about a way to get on…

“Oh, you just need to balance your body well and be cautious with the gas. Just to let it escape at the right time." He replied a bit -how to say- sharp. However, his eyes grew wider and he tapped on the table with his nails.

He was clearly panicked. Maybe even ashamed of how sharply he replied. Or maybe he was just so awkward he could not talk normally to me.

"I can always show you if you want.”

I was caught off guard. He could have said this out of pure politeness. But Jean was not the type to propose his help for the mere fact of being polite. I smiled gently while nodding and facing him -averting my eyes from my plate for a tiny second. “I would be delighted to.”

Oh God, there came the red cheeks. Thanks my body for reacting to any kind of gentle act. I shyly peeped from above my round glasses. Jean was smiling again. A soft smile, so bright and pure I thought it was going to cure every disease in the world. And his honey-coloured eyes were shining with dozens of stars. As if he was trying to talk with them. He was visibly trying to tell me something, but most certainly being awkward about it. I found it so cute, trying to talk with his beautiful orbs...

But I was dumb and could not understand what he was eye-saying. So we went silent again. For what seemed hours in my mind. I hated silence and could not bear it anymore. I dared looking at him.

“Did you need something?” I asked while picking up a sausage from my plate.

He scratched the back of his head while his cheeks showed a light hue of rose. It was adorable… And the first time a man was blushing while looking at me. I felt flattered but my brain called in and told me all over again that I was imagining things. I tried my best to not flinch in front of him and focused on him. Tips: stare at a place near the face to give the illusion you are looking at them. So I fixed my gaze on his neck and collar. Oh. He had a mole at the birth of his chest. He actually had several moles! I counted 21 of them. So cute. It looked like onyx pearls constellating his whole body. I bet he had moles all over, even in the most intimate parts, like treasures you had to hunt down to be rewarded with the purest and fullest of love...

It felt almost surreal when he finally began to speak -like waking up from a dream. It felt like my thoughts were read, and I blushed so furiously I would not have been surprised if I had exploded.

“I just, hm, wanted to invite you to our table. Over there." He gestured while pointing out a table on the left end of the Mess. "We want to know you more. I mean…” He looked at the said table and gulped. His voice grew even lower: “We saw you at the training and, well… Let's say… We thought it would be cool to train with you. Some of us are just, bad with swords.”

Ah. That was it. I was seen as a teacher. In a way, it hurt. I bet my eyes had lost the sparkle him talking to me had brought. I thought that, for once, someone was interested in me, who I was. But it was not the case… On the other hand, it could drift from working together to befriending each other. Plus, even though it was just for lessons, they had chosen me. Not someone else. I bit my lips. The choice I was about to make could change everything… Maybe it was fate? I clenched my fists and got up. I picked my tray up and looked at Jean. He was surprised at my sudden standing.

“Let’s go. I would love to train with you.” I said while smiling and waiting for him to stand up.

From this day, Jean, Sasha, Connie and I became good friends. Training together at first, eating together then, improving together eventually, and becoming friends in the end… We grew stronger together. We trained hard. It was nice to have people with whom I could work. Moreover, they were all easy to get on with. Connie was a bit of an idiot but he was passionate and caring. Sasha was a glutton -just like me- and she had great instincts in addition to her funny side.

But I found myself getting closer to Jean. Our skills paired well together; he was analysing while I was quick to act, he was graceful while attacking and I was a brute splattering blood everywhere, he was strategic while I was instinctive. It could have been a weakness but it became a strength of our own: what he lacked, I had it; what I lacked, he had it. We managed to find our marks together, to the point we would come first place every time we teamed up. Our comrades knew we had the best teamwork. It became well-known by everyone, including our officers. We lived countless of trainings and operations together. We got hurt together, we healed together, we saw and experienced the worst together. Our lives got tied in an intimate way we could not define. Some thought we were childhood friends. Others were sure we had family ties. And the majority imagined we were a long-time couple.

We were none. But we had it all. The trust between childhood friends, the unconditional support of family, and the supernatural connection of a couple.

⊱۵⊰ ⊱۵⊰ ⊱۵⊰ ⊱۵⊰ ⊱۵⊰ ⊱۵⊰ ⊱۵⊰⊱۵⊰ ⊱۵⊰ ⊱۵⊰

Tears fall even more on my cheeks. What a good idea to remember those happy times when you know you will die soon… However, as my eye water is getting weaker, I feel a sparkle hitting my eyes. Something is shining under the bright sun. At least the weather is nice… I take a good look around, trying to figure out what is shining under this blinding star. And I suddenly see it. A sword and a Survey Corps cape hung on a sword. I quiver. Another soldier had perished under the overwhelming and monstrous power of the titans. I find a bit of strength left to advance towards it. It is horrible to think this way, but I can salvage the weapon and the cloak: the weapon to defend myself against these naked monsters making our lives Hell on Earth; and the cloak to fight against the cold nights and hide myself in the bosques.

The way to these is long and not a piece of cake at all. I stumble on the branches, I bite my lips out of pain when I bang my toes on the tree roots. When I reach the items, my heart slams against my rib cage. I can recognise this cape with my eyes shut. It was mine. The hood had a large hole at the base of the neck because of the previous fights. I slide my fingers across the edge of the cloak and recognise the silver trim. The normal capes have a green one. But I had customised mine to recognise it whenever we would wash them. I had also sewn an inner pocket, for my notebook. And it is there. I feel a sudden warmth in my entire body and the tears roll on my cheeks again. I had thrown away my cape before facing the titans and it had stayed on the carriage with them. They took time to make me a providential tomb.

My tears make my vision blurry and do not seem to stop. I am so lucky... I violently wipe my cheeks and slap my face. I find strength to properly get up: the pain in my ankle is almost unbearable. But I bite my lips and go on anyway: I have to survive. I have to try, at least. For all of them who believed -and most likely still believe- in me and became my family. I fight the pain daggers piercing through my muscles and manage to take one step closer towards the sword and the cloak. I take the cloth and put it on my shoulders; its soft and warm fabric feels like home. I inhale its scent and it gives me courage. I grab the sword's handle but I can barely pull it off from the ground. I need to use my last bits of inner strength and finally, the weapon comes off and lays in my hands. I smile brightly for the first time after this whole fight. There is still hope! I can handle all of this! I turn around and face the forest.

One step. Ten steps. A hundred steps. The pain is lingering and I am overly conscious of every muscle and bones in my body: each step reminds me how violent it is. But I shrug it all off. I bite my lips to the blood to keep on walking. The forest is thick, dark. It is quite far from the Wall, far from being safe as I know a lot of titans roam into the woods. I do my best to stay hidden in the bushes and groves. I do not know how much time I walk through the thick copses and between the high trees. I just need to find a quiet place where I can rest and gain strength again. I weave in and out of the bushes, take advantage of the low tree crowns and scrutinise all the trunks and all the rocks to find a cave. Every now and then I see titans running next to me and my heart loses control. My breath gets erratic. Thank God I am small and wearing a green cloak: they seem to be unaware of my presence. My heart is threatening to give in after a titan’s foot barely misses my right side when I finally find a small cave and plomp myself inside it.

Now I can finally take a break. I put the sword and 3DMG down next to me as I try to analyse the whole situation. My muscles relax and I lay down on a pile of dry leaves.

“I am in deep shit, but I can do it.”

It sums up the situation quite well. My only weapon is almost blunt, my only way out is completely useless -thank the titans for making me spin in the air like I am some kind of cat toy- and my own body betrays me by making me unable to run away: because I thought it was only my ankle hurting me but after careful examinations, I can proudly my whole leg is almost broken. I sigh. Even with my sword and my newly-found inner strength, I know I have few chances to survive… Until I rummage through my pockets and find three distress flares. And they are working! Or at least, it seems so: the tubes are not cracked open and I still have the gun to use them. It does not look unusable at all. I allow myself to grin a bit. Maybe I stand a chance to survive! I should wait for the night to fall, lit one of the flare and wait -even pray- for soldiers in patrol on the Wall Sina to see the smoke and find me. At least, I would have tried. For now, I will take a rest and nap a bit. I think I really deserve some rest. I close my eyelids and cuddle in my cloak, doing my best to find some warmth.

I cannot really find sleep though. My whole body hurts: each movement reminds me of the fight I have pulled out against the titans. Not going to lie either: I am also terrified at the thought of titans finding me. I am vulnerable, miserable, not capable of even defending myself at the moment. I bite my lips once again -I swear I will not have any skin left on them by the end of the day-; I need some fresh air to gather a bit of energy. Stargazing has always made me a lot of good: it replenishes my batteries. I peek outside the cave and observe the landscape: no danger is to be seen. I sigh of relief and take a -difficult and painful- step outside.

I take a long look at the sky; the sky is of a pure black of ink, stained by small points of bright yellow. The stars greet me in their infinite immensity. Some people find it terrifying to lose yourself into the infinity of space: most find it overwhelming. It is not my case. I like imagining myself living besides the stars, experiencing true freedom and forgetting about all the disaster looming over our lives. I smile upon seeing a wishing star.

"Please, let me go home and see them- him again." I quietly whisper to the wind caressing my dirty locks.

This is the right time to lit the distress flare, which I do right away. I have three flares: I will use one to signal my position every night, and I will be waiting for the patrol on the Wall to see it and come my way. The flare goes “swoosh” as soon as I pull the trigger. A red smoke flies off, taking with it all my hopes and expectations.

Then, I wait. I wait for what seems to be hours inside this cave. I wrap myself in my cape and I am staying attentive to all the noises I can hear. But nothing. Nothing happens. No horses neighing, no human voices calling for me, no expedition coming my way to save me.

The sun is rising, the day is up and nothing had happened at all. I cry once again. Everything blurs around me and I fall on my back, right on the dry leaves inside the cave. Now, my only way out is to walk during the night, hide at day time and then repeat the whole process until I reach the Wall Sina. I still have two distress flares, but if the first has not worked, why would the others? I had to try, but it seemed hopeless. I can also use the last bit of gas in the cartridges: if I open them and reverse them, the gas will make the cartridge take off and blow off a lot of steam. I cannot do anything more, but at least… I would have done everything possible before trying to make my way out all alone.

This situation goes on for -apparently- five days. I walk at night in the woods; I hide at daytime. I used one distress flare on the second day: nothing happened. Repeat the whole process on the third day and still no one shows up. Use one of your gas cartridge to signal your position on the fourth day and feel even more desperate because you only have one last hope, the last gas cartridge. Wait for nothing to happen.. Everyday is even harder than the last one: even though my body might feel a bit better, my mindset is clearly defeated and I am starting to think I will die there without even being eaten alive. I can barely find water and do not even talk about food: I cannot even kill a simple rabbit with my blunt and useless sword, and living on berries cannot make me survive for a month...

I go on with my pace and plan on using my second -and last- gas cartridge on the fifth day. My last chance. After that, I will reach the end of the forest. And by doing that, I will be a mile away from the Wall Sina. With no trees or bushes to hide. At the mercy of the titans. And my only option will be to make a run for the Wall, praying all the way there to not get caught by a titan. I hide myself inside of a bosque, panicking at every titan’s foot passing right next to me. At night time, when all the titans are inactive, I get out of the groves and walk a bit further. The more I walk, the more I get close to the Wall Sina, the more the patrols on said Wall will take a glimpse of the smoke.

I slick my dusty hair back and roll up my sleeves before unleashing the gas of the cartridge and putting it head down. It flies above my head, spreading a thick, white and intoxicating smoke. I then fall on the ground, hiding into a hole in a tree. And I am waiting again. What else can I do? I curl up into a tight ball and stay the most silent possible. I need to be attentive if I want to hear any noise coming to me.

I am nearly dozing off after hours when I hear the pounding of horse’s hooves on the ground. At first, I feel so groggy I think I am dreaming. Nevertheless, the sounds become stronger than ever. Does that mean… Somebody is in there?! I sit straight up and look from above the bush. I can see a light floating between the trees and the shape of a person riding a horse. I see a cloak floating around a tall and slender silhouette… A soldier! A member from the Survey Corps! I stand up and walk towards the light. If I scream, I am afraid of waking the titans up. So I just walk -the fastest I can- towards the dim light and the person riding the horse. Once I am at voice-length, I talk the loudest I can:

“Here, help me! I am here!”.

I suddenly see the light that stops moving while I am still advancing towards it. A voice echoes in the depth of the night, breaking the silence of the woods.

“Who is here? Decline your identity. Are you a soldier? A citizen?”.

My heart aches. My tear ducts are about to explode once again. My fingers shake as I hold my breathe and gasp. This is Jean’s voice! I can recognise it from miles away! My legs move all alone, I find myself walking faster and faster -I nearly run and shut my pain down- towards him and I shout back at him, merely a hundred meters away from him:

“Sylvhann Auryanna, Explorer and member of the 104th Division! Jean, is that you?”.

“Auryanna?!” I hear him say; the surprise is audible in his tone of voice. “Keep talking, I need to find where you are!” He screams. “Tell me what happened and I will find you in no time!”.

I collapse on a nearby tree and use my sword as a standing stick. “I beat the crap out of titans but I got distracted and one grabbed me. I nearly died but I planted my dagger on its hands; then I took off with my 3DMG. I landed at the verge of the forest, found the sword and cloak you left on the battleground and then-”

I am cut off by arms wrapping around me and a face nuzzling in my neck. I feel a warm breath spreading on my skin and making me shiver, sending spikes of pleasure throughout my whole body. I get off the hug and cup the cheeks of the man holding me. I dive my orbs into his honey eyes glittering with unconditional relief; I bury my hands into his ash brown hair, all tangled from his ride, and then I slowly caress his face: his soft cheeks, his sharp jawline, his straight and thin nose, his plump lips... I let our foreheads meet and cry my eyes out, whispering his name again and again. I see the surprise in his eyes and his hands are shaking. He keeps on caressing my hair and sliding his fingers on my bruised skin. He cups my cheeks, I feel the warmth of his touch spreading all over my body once more.

“Auryanna, you are alive…” His voice is hoarse in my ears: I swear I can see some tears cornering in his eyes, some sobs are shaking up his throat. His hands are shaking while he takes a step back and brush my hair with his long and elegant fingers.

I hug him the closest I can.

“I missed you, Jean… I thought I would never see you again...”. I feel his arms wrapping around me and then holding me up.

“You are here, alive… I am so happy…” He whispers while kissing the tip of my nose. “Let’s go. I will bring you on my horse. Stay calm and don’t move too much, okay? Else you’ll get even more hurt.” He says while making me hop on the horse. He picks my sword and 3DMG up and then hop on the horse as well, just behind me.

I feel like being under his protection; his presence acts like a shield around me. I lean on him and put my head on his shoulder. I feel exhausted all of a sudden. I guess the adrenaline finally withered and now I feel sluggish. His hand brush against my forehead and his soft voice murmurs in my ear: “Sleep. I am taking you home.”. I sense his body moving and something wraps around my shoulders. His cloak. I snuggle in it and the warmth engulfs me. It smells like him…

“Thank you…” I manage to say before falling asleep, engulfed in his strong arms.

⊱۵⊰ ⊱۵⊰ ⊱۵⊰ ⊱۵⊰ ⊱۵⊰ ⊱۵⊰ ⊱۵⊰⊱۵⊰ ⊱۵⊰ ⊱۵⊰

“Auryanna, wake up…” A smooth voice whispers while caressing my hair gently.

I open my eyes and fall into two honey-coloured orbs. Lost in these beautiful eyes, it feels like I am still dreaming… I put my right hand on his left cheek and smile. It is warm and it compliments my palm perfectly...

“It wasn’t a dream…?”. I manage to whisper.

He giggles and gets down from the horse; I nearly lose my balance as he does so since I was all slouched against his chest. “It was all real, Auryanna." He calmly says while caressing my hair and slowly sliding his fingers on the nape of my neck. "You are alive, I found you and we came back safely. Look up...” he says while pointing at some point above us. I sit up on the horse the best I can, I look above and see the Wall Sina, one of these walls I have lived inside for all my life, one of these walls that became mainstream but also my home.

I feel relieved to no end: it may not be the safest, but it is part of my life and it helped me build the person I am now. I cannot retain the tears -made of a strange mix of happiness, relief and warmth- and threatening to fall: my face is soon covered in salty water. I hide it into my hands and Jean's fingers find their way to my calves. He caresses my skin softly and tilts his head to look at me from underneath. His soft smile is intoxicatingly tender and my heart skips a beat.

"Come on, get down and let me bring you to the infirmary. We need to get you treated."

I nod and I am about to jump -weakly- into his arms when my leg betrays me and made me fall face first on the ground. I can hear Jean’s loud gasp as he gets down on his knees and helps me stand up. I have grass and mud all around my features… I smirk, regaining a bit my personality -but not my strength since I can only sit up on the ground, my leg refusing to work properly.

"I bet this the sexiest you've ever seen me."

I expected a laugh but I just see him frown; next thing I know is that he mutters some things under his breath and his strong arms go right for my knees. I then find myself held princess-style by my saviour. My cheeks are blushing a bright red and I cannot even look straight at his face. My eyes find their way to stare at the mud at my feet. We go to the platforms raising us above the Wall and then go down on the other side of said Wall. The descending was so long I was nearly napping between Jean’s arms when we hit the ground.

A group of soldier gathered around us and my partner put the hood over my head. He placed one of his hand around my head to protect my ears. But why would he-

"KIRSTEIN JEAN, EXPLORER FROM CAPTAIN LEVI'S SQUAD."

Oh. I understand better. He wanted to prevent me from going deaf after his screaming -a pretty useless effort since his shouting nearly broke my eardrums down. I peek out of the fabric: the soldiers are pointing their swords at us. However, when they recognised Jean, all of them put their weapons back into their sheath.

“Kirstein? What are you doing here? Where were you?”

“I left yesterday for the forest. I saw some smoke floating in the air and I thought it could be a survivor… And it was!”

He removes the hood from my head and reveals my face to the bewildered soldiers. I can see their surprised air printed on their faces. Most of them are newbies who joined the Survey Corps soon after the battle of Trost. I do not know the vast majority of them personally. However, I know I am quite famous among them; something I would have never thought of. I had become a celebrity of some sort. Jean once told me it was because of how reckless I was on the battlefield. Apparently, it triggered a lot of passion within the young ones, seeing one of their seniors giving her all into the seemingly hopeless battle against the titans. One of the soldier -a ginger girl with freckles all over the face and bright green eyes- looked at me with a flabbergasted stare.

"Sylvhann... THE Sylvhann Auryanna?! How- when-"

"She lit up a distress flare last night and I went to retrieve her.” Jean begins to explain as he continues to walk towards the infirmary, myself still being cuddled in his warm and somewhat reassuring embrace. “She is very weak: several broken ribs, a broken leg and sprained wrists. Keeping aside the multiple bruises and scars. I need to get her treated right now: we don't know if she has any commotions or damaged internal organs. Can you move and let me get through?"

"Ah, yes, of course! Go on!" She said hurriedly while dividing the crowd to create ourselves a path towards the nurse office.

My saviour nods and starts walking away. "Please go and tell Major Erwin what I have just told you. Tell him I will go to his office later and explain everything to him all over again. I am ready for any punishment he will consider appropriate."

"Yes!"

The soldiers disperse while the ginger girl leaves for the Major Erwin’s room. I lift my gaze -feeling a sudden urge to sleep- and Jean smiles at me before kissing my cheek and making me blush like a grown tomato. I missed his face so much… I cup his cheeks and caress his skin, letting my fingers trace inextricable patterns of affection on his face. He seems flustered, a tad lost and inexplicably embarrassed. I smile at him and hide my nose in his -oh-so-well developed- chest. I cannot see him anymore, but I hear his soft voice ringing in my ear:

"You will soon feel better. A good rest and medicines and you will be in top shape. I will keep an eye on you, I promise."

I nod shyly and clench my fingers around the fabric of his shirt. A wave of emotions take over me and I am afraid of getting separated from Jean. I know that reaching the nurse office means leaving him. Even for a short amount of time, I do not want to. I know it sounds capricious: I am aware of this insane urge of mine to not let go of him. And I know I am most likely to wake up and be in the infirmary, not dreaming all of this at all. However, this fear of letting my saviour go, of falling down into this titan nightmare again makes me go crazy. What if I wake up and I find myself into the woods again? What if all this was a dream that would be scattered once I let go of his hand?

Jean means home. He means safety, tenderness, love. I need him just like I need oxygen to breathe and survive in this lunacy world. I cannot survive without him. I do not want to be far from him even for a split second.

When we reach the infirmary, I can barely hear what Jean and the nurse are talking about. All I think of is my fear. It is overtaking me, like a poison running in my veins and intoxicating my every nerve. I am in a sort of trance and my muscles become numb. I can just feel Jean laying me down on the bed and slowly removing his arms from our embrace, from this cocoon of warmth I had snuggled in... A sort of raw strength and violence take over my body and I shake my head violently, throw my arms around him and cling to him -digging my nails into his shoulders and dragging a screech out of him.

“Ouch, what the hell, Au-” he starts yelling while trying to get away from me.

"DON'T LEAVE ME!"

It is almost as if I do not recognise my own voice as I scream these words. A demon possessed me, I told you. It sounds like the growl of a wild animal. A part of me feels guilty to act like such a spoiled brat. Nevertheless, I cannot do otherwise. Separating from him feels like being torn apart into tiny pieces -something I have been feeling for days from the moment we got separated and I found myself all alone in the forest...

"I DON’T WANT TO BE ALONE!" I shout while grabbing his arms so violently he winces. But then, my voice breaks; it is almost inaudible when I stutter: "Jean… P-please… Stay with me… I-"

My voice just gives up on me in the middle of the sentence. I start crying like a fountain drowning its base under torrents of water. I am scared of letting him go.

"Don't leave me…".

My voice is getting low and hoarse. Sobs are taking over it; it becomes uneven and my body starts shaking uncontrollably: it feels like an earthquake is flowing in my veins.

"Stay with me…" I keep on muttering words and pieces of sentences and my fingers grow numb: my joints are slowly becoming white since I am clenching his sleeve too hard.

A sting suddenly hits my skin, a pang of pain spreads throughout my body like some incurable venom. I grimace and untighten a bit my grip on him, enough for Jean to get out of my embrace and fix his gaze upon me with disbelief in his orbs. I dive into his honey-coloured eyes and the tears run on my cheeks freely. I am devastated. I am losing him…

I throw my hands in the air to grab him and never letting him go again. However, Jean is focused on me and his arms pull the white sheets over me. His warm hand finds its way to my face, now resting on my forehead. His smile, his smell, his warmth, his whole being is intoxicating… Absentmindedly, I take his hand and slide it down to my cheek. The warmth softens my being. I lay into it and close my eyes as other words find their way to my lips:

“Don’t leave me…”

When I open my eyes, Jean’s face is barely inches away from mine. I can feel his breath colliding against my sensitive skin. His features are full of tenderness towards me and I crumble -once again- into tears in front of him. I must look horribly hideous… But maybe he does not care? I hope, at least… He just keeps on looking at me and his fingers are now rubbing against my cheek in a smooth and lovely gesture. His smile suddenly blooms and I feel swapped into a storm of emotions and love.

"I will be there when you wake up. Don't worry." He whispers quietly and he climbs on the bed.

His arms wrap around my shoulders and he holds me close. His body is so warm… It is a cocoon I want to always be in… Jean kisses my forehead. His lips are soft on my dirty and sweaty skin. I feel a slumber taking over my sour body. I know I am fainting: the sting I felt was surely a syringe to anaesthetise me... I grab Jean's hand before drifting off to sleep and losing all my consciousness for some hours:

"Don’t leave me…” I start while feeling my eyes rolling into their orbs and my mind goes slowly black. “I love you…" I can only whisper.

And then, darkness.

⊱۵⊰ ⊱۵⊰ ⊱۵⊰ ⊱۵⊰ ⊱۵⊰ ⊱۵⊰ ⊱۵⊰⊱۵⊰ ⊱۵⊰ ⊱۵⊰

It is dark all around me.

Everything seems deprived of any light of any sort. It feels like I am floating; it even feels like my soul has been detached from my body, making me dizzy and fidgety.

Where am I? Why does it make me dizzy? What is this place?

Am I even conscious? … Alive?

I suddenly feel a strange wave surrounding me. Something is warm around me. What is it made of?

I know nothing about this pleasurable warmth. I just feel safe; I feel like a baby enveloped into layers of fluffy sheets and wool blankets. I feel protected from any horror or pain.

But it soon becomes unbearable. The warmth is burning myself alive. I panic. I kick the air with the bit of strength I have. I recognise this feeling; I know it all too well: sleep paralysis. I need to wake up from this haven becoming my prison. Reality is waiting for me at the end of the road, my place sits there and I think this phenomenon is helping me getting back to it. 

Moreover, someone is waiting for me…

⊱۵⊰ ⊱۵⊰ ⊱۵⊰ ⊱۵⊰ ⊱۵⊰ ⊱۵⊰ ⊱۵⊰⊱۵⊰ ⊱۵⊰ ⊱۵⊰

I brusquely open my blue grey eyes. The light hits my pupils and I flinch. Has it always been this bright? It takes a few seconds to get my eyes used to the brightness of the lights flickering above my head. I am sweaty, my breath is erratic. I sit back very slowly -my whole body is still so sour I could become a lemon any minute now…-; I calm myself down, yawn and take a look at my surroundings.

The night is about to fall but the light has been turned on already everywhere I looked at, even through the window -therefore in the camp-. It is true that we are in autumn; thus days are pretty short. But what time is it? I have been so out of time lately. A chill runs through my spine due to the wind escaping from the window frame. I rub my hands on my shoulders. How long have I slept? As I heat up my shoulders, I feel a weight on my left one. What is going on…

I turn around a bit and a smile blooms on my lips when I recognise Jean's ash brown hair. It was not a dream… He is sitting next to me, his muscled arms are tightly wrapped around me as if he was protecting the most precious of jewels. I reach to touch his locks and caress his hair absentmindedly. He looks so peaceful. The whole atmosphere is peaceful, now that I think about it. It feels like a dream, as if nothing was real...

He stirs in his sleep and it makes me realise that everything is real: he is there and I am back, and alive. His eyes are slowly opening and staring at me. I smile lovingly and he smiles back at me. My heartbeat increases and a wave of happiness washes over me. He sits up a bit, growls in the process and slowly unwraps his arms from around my waist. He winces and I guess he feels stiff all over. And I wince at the sudden lack of warmth. But then, I notice he is just replacing himself before hugging me again, putting his arms around my waist again and holding me tighter and closer than previously. I feel my temperature reaching summits in the meantime. I cannot say anything, as if him being this close to me was shutting my system down. I just huddle closer to him; his body was so warm and soothing...

“You looked desperate when I let go of you before…”

His voice is -sexily- hoarse as he whispers those words right in my ear. I gulp when I feel his breath caressing my lobe and I just nod shyly, avoiding his gaze and just enjoying his presence. Damn you, Jean Kirstein! Always so observant and, and.. And perfect! I hate you -wait, who am I kidding? Anyway, Jean freaking Kirstein! Are you a mind-reader!? Have you plugged your brain on my thoughts!? I feel overly self-conscious and ashamed as I prance about in his arms. I try to speak in a normal voice -which is an utter and complete failure as I hear my voice breaking in the middle of the sentence:

“I, I was just afraid of it all being a dream…”

I hear his giggle echoing in the empty room. It is a delightful melody ringing in my ears and making me feel right at home. I nuzzle in his embrace and nudge my head in his chest: I sniffle his scent; he smells like fresh wood, spices and soap. I become self-conscious of his arms around me, his body next to mine, every second passing feels like Heaven. He hugs me so tightly, I feel so special right now… Has he ever held someone like this? Did another girl get close to him like I am right now? What does he feel for me? Is it nonsense and complete bullshit to hope he feels the same way about me as I feel about him…? And what if my hopes are to get crushed down? Countless thoughts are running through my head.

No, Auryanna. Jean is here, safe and sound and holding you tight, so preciously it messes with your head. Stop thinking too much. Just enjoy and stop thinking about all these things. I sigh, both of utter content and intense I-am-so-done-with-myself.

“Do you remember what you told me before falling asleep…?”

Jean’s voice cuts through the silence installed between us. I find his question rather odd and I get out a bit of his embrace to stare at him. His cheeks are a bright red, all flushed and warm. He looks, embarrassed… Oh my God, what have you done, Sylvhann Auryanna!? I tilt my head to have a better sight of him -and also to show him I am completely unaware of what I did or say...

“What do you mean?” I ask with anxiety pricking up through my voice.

“When you clung onto me before…” He starts explaining while sitting straight up and removing himself from our embrace; he is now facing me, cross-legged and hands on his knees. “You kept on telling me you didn’t want me to leave. And before falling asleep, you-”

If his cheeks were red before, now they are coloured with a sickening bright scarlet. I KNEW IT! I did something stupid and embarrassing! Shit! Shit, shit, shit! What am I going to do!? I start scratching my hair roots; I feel so bad, knowing I probably said something about my feelings... I hear him clearing his throat before adding, in a somehow awkward and expectant voice:

“You told me you… You, hm, you told me you love me.”

…

My eyes widen. My heartbeat races and my body trembles slightly then strongly. I am feeling bad, I am on the verge of fainting. I turn around, escaping his gaze as it flashes through my mind: me being in a haze because of the anaesthetic, being afraid of getting separated from him and me throwing myself at him while bluttering.. Love words. Damn it! Why? WHY? Everything was perfect until now! This moment was perfect! When he saved me and took care of me, when we were hugging and all! And I had to ruin it by suddenly confessing while having my mind lost in a steam of pain and analgesics! My fists clench and my throat is sore. I so want to dig myself into a hole and disappear from his sight right now.

I am in deep troubles. I am in deep shit. I am going to lose him because my brain was dumb enough to confess in the least appropriate moment!

“Auryanna, look at me…”

Jean’s voice echoes and rings in the air, as if he was trying to fill the whole silence with his words. Maybe he was embarrassed. His voice has such a gentle sound… His voice attracts me and I have the intense urge to look at him, to dive into his marvelous eyes. What should I do right now? Do I look at him? Will I have the courage to stare at his pools of honey? Do I even have the choice…?

I follow his wish and turn my blushing face towards him. A second into his eyes and I almost faint of a mix of shame, embarrassment and fear. I still cannot face him… However, soon enough, as a matter of fact, his hands find their ways to my jaw and cup my cheeks, raising my head to look at him. I am, however, very stubborn and awkward and it takes me seconds -maybe minutes, even?- to actually look at his beautiful eyes. And when I do…

What I see are eyes full of, tenderness? Adoration?

Love?

“Auryanna…” he starts whispering while kissing the tip of my nose, making me blush and freeze in place; I am just unable to move or even speak, let alone thinking properly. “It felt like Hell when I thought you were dead…” his voice is breaking at every word and I cannot help but hold my breath at the expectation of his explanations. “I was dead inside." he says while looking at me so intensely it makes me dizzy and the red on my cheeks worsen. "I patrolled on the Wall every night, looking for a sign coming from you. I hoped, and hoped you were still alive, somewhere out there.” he stops a while to caress my cheeks with his thumbs, and I see tears gathering in the corner of his eyes, shocking me at the same time as it brings my own tear canals to pour their content on my cheeks. “I was the one seeing your signal last night and at the thought of you being the one using this flare… I-” the tears are now rolling freely on his face and my fingers go harvesting this beautiful sad water to make it mine alone. “I was so happy when I heard your voice in the forest…" his lips find their path to the corners of my own and he gently pecks the sensitive skin. "My world brightened up and I felt alive again. When I saw you and held you…” he is now hugging me so tightly I can hardly breathe anymore. “I love you so much, Auryanna… I don’t want to let you go ever again. I will always be by your side and I will never leave you again. I will fight by your side and I will die by your side. Please… Please tell me you love me too…” his head is on top of mine and I am compressed in a prison of muscled arms and strong chest. “Please tell me what you said is the truth…” 

The feelings are strangling my throat and my eyes cry all alone. I hiccup and I throw myself at him. Okay, I may be suffocating him right now: he is tapping slightly on my back to let me know he cannot breathe. I giggle and dive my eyes into his. I can only see the purest and deepest of love into them. Love is taking over me and I look at him with all the adoration I feel for him.

“I love you, Jean.” I whisper and I run my hand in his hair. “I love how nice, caring, generous, brave, strong and open-minded you are. I love how you are able to see things through, and how you are always striving to improve yourself. I love everything about you and having you by my side right now is…” I gulp and show my best smile. “The most beautiful thing in this world…”

The next thing I know is that strong arms pull me into the sweetest hug ever. I put my own arms around his neck, closing the gap between us and letting us feel each other's warmth. I sigh of contentment, I breathe of happiness, I feel complete again. His body against mine throws sparkles into my veins and a wave of intense love crash within me. I have never felt like this before; I used to be so awkward around boys, and here I am longing for one. I smile, I cry, everything is a mess, and I know he is in the same state as myself: I can hear his strangled sobs… I giggle and slowly caress his neck while facing him and kissing his cheeks. I keep on whispering some sweet "I love you" and all of a sudden, some lips find their way towards mine. I can feel the warmth and sweetness of them, also the chapped parts tickling me. Our hands meet, then they separate to lose themselves on the other's body. We are learning each other's silhouette, each other's being, we both want to engrave every bit of the other in our palms. Our lips part and find themselves again, soon joined by our tongues wanting to dance together. It is hot, but oh so good. A wave of warmth is spreading through me when Jean's long fingers slip under my shirt, caressing my sensitive skin…

When the door opens wide and a group of loud and talkative soldiers comes in.

"THE FUCK, GUYS! YOU NEED TO COME RIGHT NOW!? CAN’T YOU JUST WAIT BEFORE COMING IN!?"

I cannot help but laugh wholeheartedly at a dishevelled Jean red like a tomato facing the sun, grumbling against the newcomers as known as our friends from the 104th division.

I guess we need to wait before continuing our -lovely and a tad spicy- reunion.

But now, I am safe and sound, at home, surrounded by the ones I consider like family.

And the sweetest man ever is returning my feelings.

I look out the window while Jean is fighting with Eren -some things never change, especially when your childhood acquaintance is picking on your -most likely soon- boyfriend because of his tousled hair, blushing cheeks and slightly open shirt -something I may be guilty of… The moon is a bright silver colour tonight, reflecting on the faraway forest into which I hid in order to survive. The night had saved me: the moon traced my path, the stars enlightened my way, and the darkness allowed my distress flare to be visible from really far away. I smiled at the moon croissant.

"Thank you…"


End file.
